I don’t Want to Keep up with the Joneses.

Whenever I think about my life the song “pressure” by Billy Joel always plays in my head. I’ve always put a lot of pressure on myself to be the best I can be in all aspects of my life. I’ve always been someone that has put everyone else’s needs above my own. Why you ask? Well… I’m still trying to figure that out with many hours of therapy 😂. But in all seriousness this has been a major issue in my life. I’ve always been envious of people just living their lives for them and with zero F**ks given.

Recently I told myself that I’m done sugar coating my life decisions. I am learning that Social Media has made my feeling of constant pressure much worse. You are taught to get married, have the perfect house, and have a bunch of babies. I always thought that that’s what I wanted too! Well, some of it…

Yes, I got married, have a lovely home and have a wonderful little boy. But marriage hasn’t been easy, keeping up with a home is insanely challenging and motherhood is nothing like I had expected. After having my son everything in my life has gotten a million times harder. I had Postpartum depression for a solid year (I still have ptsd when my son cries for a good amount of time) and I felt like the biggest failure! Everything I did wasn’t good enough and always felt alone. “Why are my husband and I the only ones dealing with a child that won’t stop crying? Why do we fight constantly and don’t feel like ourselves? Why can’t I get my head above water? We wanted this life so badly… but why is it so awful?”

I felt like everything was wrong with me for thinking these things. I didn’t fit in with a lot of other new moms because no one else had the type of issues I was going through (or they just weren’t open with me about it). Therapy has really helped me cope with this new life and the trauma my husband and I went through with our son. Lochlan is about 16months and life is really good right now. But guess what??? That’s still not enough for “society”.

“When are you having another baby?!”

“Aren’t you excited to give your son a sibling?!”

“He isn’t going to be an only child, right?”

That is just a little bit of what I hear on a weekly basis. You should see the look on everyone’s faces when I tell them that as of right now, we are good with just one child.

If you want lots of children, (and right away) that’s awesome for you! But could you imagine if I asked someone “why do you keep wanting more kids?” People would seriously freak. So why is it ok for people to shame me for recognizing what kind of life I want for my family (and mental health)? I’m not living my life for my friends or for social media. I’m living it for me and what’s best for my family; whether how big or small it may be.

I don’t belong to any mommy groups and I have one friend close by that has a child somewhat close in age. I love my childless friends and I love my friend with a little one close by. Both are so different and so wonderful for my life. Don’t feel sorry for me because I don’t do play dates or most of my friends don’t have kids for Lochlan to interact with. It’s not a negative for me… we may not fit in with the social media norm but we are good and will deal with whatever life hands us. I mean, what other choice do we have?

* all of my blogs are written from the heart and when I have a free moment. My apologies if things are not always grammatically correct or if punctuation isn’t used properly.